#83 - Balancing tech and tradition with author and coach Randy Gravitt

Randy Gravitt (00:00):

I think sometimes we think that love is a noun and it is, but love really is a verb as well. And I always tell people, you don't fall in love. You fall in a hole. You grow into love, you sacrifice in love, you turn your phone off in love. I think love is demonstrated when we say we love someone and yet we are distracted by the text or we're not focused on what they're saying because we've got the screen on or we're streaming or we're gaming or whatever we're doing in the world we live in. Those screens are constantly warring for our attention. And so I think this idea of loving first really in some ways it's rooted in the idea of sacrifice and it's just such an opportunity for us to be together when we're together.

Joey Odom (00:47):

Welcome back to the Aro podcast. Hey, it's your good friend, Joey Odom, co-founder of ro, and I'm so glad you're here. From my conversation with Randy, grab it. So Randy has written a book, it just came out not long ago called Winning Begins at Home, and it is a leadership parable. So it's about a man named John Williams who is in his thirties, who is striving to be successful at work and frankly, he's kind of losing the battle at home. And it's a story. And stories are so great about this stories, and I say this in the episode, stories make the medicine go down easy. And so it's an easy read, but it's such an insightful read and it's something if you're in this stage of life, if even if you're beyond the stage of life, maybe you're before this stage of life where you can relate to this.

(01:33):

This is something that you'll either feel seen in or it's something that you will eventually feel seen in that we'll be able to relate to. This is one that I would encourage you to share with your teams at work. If you are in a professional organization, this is something that's really good, especially if your organization is good about personal development. Randy is a Christian, he's a person of faith, but this book is not exclusive to that in any way. So this would work in really any setting. So if it's for people especially maybe if you have a work-life focus, like that balance focus, this would be a great book for that for discussion. The book is begins with the leadership parable, but then it goes into the activation guide and how you implement this in your life. And Randy has years of experience. Randy has, he's a coach to coaches.

(02:18):

We talk about our mutual love of the Buffalo Bills. He's coached the Buffalo Bills and some of their coaches. He's got a couple of just great gold nuggets on one-liners. One thing that we talk when we talk about proximity, no, excuse me, we talk a little bit about technology and he talks about how technology can sometimes get in the way of us being of intimacy in relationships. And he says proximity does not always equal intimacy, and I think we could probably relate to that. So he gives us two focuses on the book is to love first and live last, and he'll explain what that means. You're going to love this episode. I would encourage you, especially within organizations to get copies of this book for discussion as a group. For now, sit back, relax and enjoy my conversation with Randy Ravitz gang. Today we welcome in a coach to coaches who is going to help you win starting at home.

(03:12):

He's a renowned speaker and author, and even though his alma mater's mascot is cocky, he's quite humble himself. He doesn't own a Tommy gun, but he's in the best kind of mafia. The Bills mafia, he's a world traveler and a scratch golfer, but his favorite place is at home. And when it comes to being a girl dad, he's not just good. He's grand. He'll help you get unstuck, find your way, and even maybe learn how to play chess, not checkers. Please join me in welcoming to the Aro podcast, the pride of Coweta County and Laura's arm candy. Mr. Randy, grab it. Randy. So good to see you, brother. That's great. That's

Randy Gravitt (03:47):

The greatest introduction ever, Joey. Thank you for that. So oh, fun. It just means I'm old and I've been a lot of places. It's good.

Joey Odom (03:56):

Hey listen, I'm telling you Calta counties, they have a bunch of legends come out of there. So you're the pride.

Randy Gravitt (04:02):

It's fun. It's a lot of fun. That's great. It's great to be with you. Thanks for all you do, man. It's going to be fun. Well,

Joey Odom (04:08):

I'm excited. I devoured your new book. Winning Begins at Home and it's one of those, here's what I love about it, Randy, is it's one of those, you just make the medicine go down so smooth when you present it in story form and you tell a fable, you tell a story and I love that format. And then you give, what I like about it for the listener and everybody needs to go get a copy of it is it has the story, then it has the activation guide where one or the other, it's almost like you're missing something. But those two blended together. So what was the seed for this book for you to say like, Hey, this is the format I want to do it in and here's the message I want to get across.

Randy Gravitt (04:47):

I'll start with the format. So I'm a storyteller and I just thought a lot of people connect with story. I think it's so powerful and the characters in the book, it is a leadership parable. The characters in the book, I think people will connect with different phases and stages of life, which will be great, but I did feel like the last, I guess 70 pages of it, there's a blueprint in the back to help you really map out the family that you want. And so that's kind of how the format happened. I use the word leadership parable. We work with leaders all the time. I have a company, we do leader development and working with teams and organizations and helping 'em build culture and execution and engagement and talent, all kinds of stuff. It's really a lot of fun work with Chick-fil-A done a lot of work with them and other companies, which is good.

(05:39):

But I kept talking to people who were chasing high performance at work and yet struggling outside of work. And I came up with this phrase, I started saying, if you win at work and you lose at home, I think you still lose. There's so many people I know who are building something great at work and then outside of work, it's just not what they wanted. And so I thought we're creating all this content to help 'em chase high performance in the marketplace. Why don't we try to do something to help 'em outside of work? And I just couldn't find anything for leaders that was out there, not just leaders. I mean anybody will resonate with this book and it'll help be helpful, but particularly we're passionate about helping leaders get better. And so yeah, that's how it came about. So the book is now out in the wild. We're fired up about that and been getting great feedback. It's been a lot of fun. Well,

Joey Odom (06:29):

Firsthand again, it is really is so easy to digest. And you can see I kind of laughed at myself. I just saw myself in it so much. I just saw myself in the character, the main character and just seeing like, gosh, yep, been in that pitfall. Yep, I've made that mistake. Yep, I've seen that hope and and this is maybe going to be kind of an odd basic question, how would you define a leader for someone listening? And they may say like, oh, well this isn't for me. I'm not a leader. But I think you may challenge that assertion for somebody to say, I'm not a leader. So how would you define who is a leader?

Randy Gravitt (07:07):

Well, I've heard for years, I think it was John Maxwell who actually we published with Maxwell's leadership is who we published with. John always says that leadership is influenced nothing more, nothing less. I think that's a good definition, but I think there might be more that, I mean contextually we probably would think about that. I think it really is anybody that has influence though, anybody that wants to make a difference, anybody that has an opportunity to make a difference. And so really in so many ways it's everybody who's probably listening to your show. I mean they've got influence, they want to help people. I even think about, I've got a bunch of guys that are your age younger than me that I'm just so passionate about the next generation having a quality home life. I know when things are good at home, they're really usually pretty good for us.

(07:59):

And if they're not good at home, it's not good. It affects everywhere else. It's much like we talk about in the marketplace. We want to see a world well led because we have a good leader. We know it's good for us if we don't have a good leader, it's not, I think the same thing's true at home. I'd love to see everybody get to grow up in a great family. So if a person, a mom or a dad who has an opportunity to influence kids, but a kid can be a leader. I mean anybody who really is understanding that we have a responsibility to try to make it better for the people around us. I think that's the way I think about leadership. It is influence, but to me it goes a little bit back to the, we use a picture of the iceberg and it's such a good picture because there is stuff above the waterline that people see.

(08:47):

But that underneath that character side of leadership, and really I think a lot about the idea of a servant leader, a person who helps other people win almost like a football player. You mentioned being in the Bills mafia. When I think about a football player, it is football season right up on us here. You think about players, if I ask you to name a couple of players, I'm guessing you would name some quarterbacks, you might think of some coaches, you probably wouldn't think of the left tackle for the lions or the right guard for the browns. Nobody's thinking about offensive linemen. And I think that's a really great picture of a servant leader. Think about those linemen. They show up game after game, practice after practice, open up holes so other people can score can win. And so long answer there, but when I think about a leader, it's that person who shows up and doesn't need the credit. They're just going to open up a path for somebody else to succeed. And to me that's just a beautiful picture. And moms and dads and brothers and sisters, we all have that opportunity every day whether we're in a title or position or have a corner office or not.

Joey Odom (09:53):

I love that. And for just simplicity, I think that for everybody listening, I hope you can just take a moment to pause and say, okay, here's where my area of influence is. Here's where I'm raising kids or even if, and I like that you Randy, I like that you included children. I think about my kids 16 and 14. You think about the potential, you think about just maybe the whole notion that everybody in some form or fashion is struggling, right? Everybody's fighting a battle, nothing about. And so just knowing the influence of an encouraging word, the influence and for kids, we're kind of getting into back to school here, the influence of looking at somebody in the face and saying hi and saying their name, that's leadership right there. I mean, think about what an amazing opportunity that is to brighten someone's day. I remember one of the best, I moved schools going into fourth grade and I remember the day that my music teacher, Mrs.

(10:51):

Call, she called me out in class and she said, Joey, she said my name. And it was probably a week into school and just hearing my name was so meaningful to me. So it's just like a little interlude to play off what you're saying for students and for kids the opportunity you have to influence the opportunity. You have to lead just by saying somebody's name, just by being kind. And so thank you for including that. And so I think that includes everybody who's listening is that you are a leader, go into the marketplace. Randy, when we talk about, talked about people who focus so much on work and maybe neglect home or maybe don't put as much influence, do you think that's because your results at work are much more tangible, you can see those where at home you don't know if it's paying off. Do you think we put so much focus on the marketplace because you can kind of calculate it? Do you know what I mean?

Randy Gravitt (11:40):

I do actually. I think the default if we're not careful is just to pay attention to where we get promoted and where we get a raise and where we get affirmation a lot of times. And honestly, there seems to a path at work that's been mapped out for us. We've got training, all kind of stuff. When you go home, you're just sometimes not sure, am I doing this right? I don't know what I'm doing. I remember when you mentioned being a girl dad. I remember when we had our first daughter, Hannah was the first couple of days were great. We were at the hospital and we had nurses helping out. And then they make you take 'em home and you're like, we have no idea what we're doing. And so you feel like at home and in some ways you're making it up as you go.

(12:23):

And I think it works. So many times you've got a supervisor or somebody who's kind of holding you accountable, hopefully at home, not so much. And so if we're not careful, I think we can actually, when I say default, it's because I don't know what I'm doing at home. It's easy just to go to work where I feel like I know what I've got. And by the way, the work this, the work is never done. So there's always more to do. And so I'm showing up there. And then the danger is though, I think Joey is when I have this work mindset, and by the way, let me be first in line to say we're helping people chase high performance. I think you should win at work. I'm not saying let's win at home at the expense of winning at work. I just think winning be begins at home because what happens is, and to me it's just a stark little reminder.

(13:10):

If I'm not careful, I will be so leaned in at work and then I'll go home. And when I get home in today's world especially, I'll be home and not be at home. I think if I'm not careful, I'll be there with the kids, I'll be there reading the bedtime stories, whatever, but I'm thinking about the email or I'm thinking about the presentation, I'm thinking about the promotion I'm chasing and my presence all of a sudden doesn't come with me. And that's not what we want. That's where we end up with regret down the road.

Joey Odom (13:37):

Randy, how did much of this book was, is what you've learned through your success is in doing this? And let's just, maybe we, can we characterize John Williams and the story or the person, the audience? This is for, it's for all ages, but would you maybe say the middle of the bell curve is like 30 to 40, is that about right? Who this is? This really hits in the middle of the eyes for

Randy Gravitt (14:03):

Yeah, this guy, the main character is in his thirties and got a young family and things are going really well at work and yet he's struggling at home. And I think a lot of people can connect to that. I mean, you can be a lot older than that and connect to it as well. I mean, I've talked to so many people the last few weeks since the book's come out who've said, I needed this 25 years ago because now they're 60, 65, their kids are gone and they've got some regret they've told me. And so yeah, I'd say that's the target group is moms and dads who are in that career. They've got it going on at work, but they're like, how do I win outside of work?

Joey Odom (14:44):

Do you think, and maybe just as a little bit of personal reflection, was this story, do you think from, Hey, here's what I, Randy did really well in my thirties, or here's what I see other people struggling with. Or was it, hey, here are some things I wish I would've done myself. I mean, was there a little bit of catharsis for you in writing this, in reflection of saying, Hey, here's some things that I wish I would've done maybe a little bit differently when I was in this stage of life?

Randy Gravitt (15:10):

I think the answer to all that is probably yes. I would say for all of us that there's this temptation to think that there's a mythical perfect family out there that we're chasing that. And truthfully, there are no perfect families. So you're right out of your own truth sometimes. And I would definitely say there were things in the book that are positive and things that we got, and I'm excited about that and it's great. And now we have little grandkids coming around and our kids are still connected to us and all that's good. But I can honestly say there were times when as I look back, I just wish I had known earlier some of the things that I know now. I guess that's part of, hopefully wisdom comes with age sometimes, not always. I mean, sometimes we can get old and not be wise as well, but as I look back, yeah, there were nights I'll remember, I'm sitting there, I'm reading these bedtime stories, what you're supposed to do and whoever said that, and then you'd find yourself there and not really connected.

(16:20):

And I will say this, I do think it's even harder now than it was when our kids were here 15 years ago or so. Our daughters are late twenties, early thirties now, and we've got the four girls and son-in-laws. I'm watching them now. One of you talk about the audience. I wanted this to be for them to be able to think through some things I thought would be good. But as I look at the world that people are parenting in now, technology's made it harder I believe, and I don't want to in any way romanticize what was harder back. It's definitely to me harder now because there's so many more distractions. And if we're not careful, we really will be tethered to our technology and because of that we can miss so much. And so one of the reasons I appreciate what you guys do so much, it's so powerful.

Joey Odom (17:16):

Well, I appreciate that. I'd love to, I guess pun intended, double click on that when it comes to technology. I'd love to dive into that a little bit more because the two principles and they're so good, and if we could abide by these two of these principles in the book is Loving First and Living last. Will you talk specifically about the difficulty within the age we're in with smartphones, with us all the time with technology, how do you believe that technology is impacting our

Randy Gravitt (17:48):

Ability to love first and live last? These are the two fundamentals basically to me of family life. So love first. When you think about that, I think sometimes we think that love is a noun and it is a noun, but love really is a verb as well. And I always tell people, you don't fall in love. You fall in a hole, you grow into love, you sacrifice in love, you turn your phone off in love mean. So back to your technology question, I think love is demonstrated and when we say we love someone and yet we are distracted by the text, we're not focused on what they're saying because we've got the screen on or we're streaming or we're gaming or whatever we're doing in the world we live in, those screens are constantly warring for our attention. And so I think this idea of loving First really in some ways it's rooted in the idea of sacrifice, which we'll get to in a second, but it's just such an opportunity for us to be together when we're together.

(18:53):

I mentioned that a moment ago. I go into all these restaurants, it's crazy, and you'll walk in and you'll see a family, supposedly a family, a mom, a dad, a couple kids, whatever, and everybody's got a phone or a pad or whatever and they're at the same table, but they're not really together the way it looks like to me, and I've been saying for the last few months, proximity does not always equal intimacy. We can live in the same place with somebody. In fact, I know so many people who've been together for a long time and yet they're really not together. And so I just, how do we really make sure that our words and our actions and those things are demonstrating love? That's the starting place. And then on the living last piece for, I'm not sure how much that ties into technology per se.

(19:45):

I mean it probably does in some ways, but it goes back to what I was saying a minute ago, that having that servant leader mindset, that sacrificial mindset, and to me, if you're in a marriage, if you have a kid, you are in the classroom of sacrifice. I mean you're going to get a master's degree if you have kids, but if you're married to somebody, you're going to have opportunity day after day after day to do your homework, so to speak, and practice living last. And I think when we do that, it makes it so much better to be in a relationship with us versus if we're self-serving and sometimes we are, we all love me, some me, right? I mean it's easy to be self-serving. I'm going to do this for you. What are you going to do for me? That's not the mindset when we show up and we're really loving first and living last and really trying to help other people win.

(20:36):

It's so much fun to be in a family with us at that point. And if we're not, it makes it hard. We know that family done right is great. There's an old, I like to read the Bible. There's an old Bible verse that says how good and pleasant it is. When we live together in unity, we all know that if there's unity, there's harmony, it's good, it's pleasant. But the opposite would be true as well. This verse is not there, but it wouldn't be good and it wouldn't be pleasant if there's not unity. And how many families do we know? We've all been there. I mean we've all been in this situation where things are not good at home and it's not good and it's not pleasant. It makes it really hard, which actually spills over into work as well if we're not careful. So I think when we get this right, from what I say from five to nine, it makes us even better from nine to five makes it a joy to be a part of. It's so good to be in that kind of family, but if it's a self-serving family, it ultimately ends up being hard for everybody.

Joey Odom (21:36):

I think that everybody, again, it was just envisioning this as you were describing that that was such a beautiful way to describe that living in union and harmony and living in love. And I think that everybody listening here wants that we all want. And even the people you walk into the restaurant and everybody on their phones, I think they all probably want that. The problem is for people, and I know for me is it sacrifices a risk that you take sacrifice because in some ways you're sacrificing. You want in a way you believe that will reap you some reward on the other side, but there's no guarantee. So it feels risky in a way. And so even for those people, again, I'll go back to the restaurant dinner table, everybody on their phones, it's almost like you don't want to be the one to put yourself out there or to be the one to initiate.

(22:26):

But I just encourage as a leader, as somebody who has influence of let's picture a table of five, two parents and three kids just like that, it takes any one of those people to say, heys, let's stack our phones in the middle of the table. I got a couple questions for the group. That could be the 4-year-old, the 10-year-old, that could be the parent, whoever it is to initiate that. But it's just hard and risky. And I think if we understand what you're saying, what I love is you have perspective over time of raising kids and now having grandkids to be able to say no. The other side, the life on the other side of a screen and the life of unity and love, it's so beautiful and valuable. And the fact that your girls and their husbands are coming back to you now, I think shows plays this out. It's almost like we get so caught up in just like John Williams in this book, just so it gets so caught up in pursuing those temporal things, but it is to the detriment of the other things. So would you agree, I'm curious, would you agree with that statement that sacrifice really is a risk that you're taking?

Randy Gravitt (23:28):

I would agree with that, and I want to actually backtrack a little bit to our 14-year-old or our 16-year-old or our 12-year-old. So let's put them in an environment because we're talking about them being a leader a minute ago. They have a huge opportunity in a world where everybody else has a screen at 14 or what. And by the way, I wouldn't recommend a phone or a smartphone for a 14-year-old. I'm not saying that, but we know we re in a world where a lot of 'em have that. And so to go and to be okay with that to like, no, I'm really going to pursue the community side of our friendships, I think that's huge. But let's come back to the adult level. Yeah, I love the idea of stacking the screens and saying, let's have a conversation about this. I actually do a lot of speaking for organizations and I was with an organization a couple years ago, this was crazy.

(24:25):

I was in the room, there's about a hundred leaders in the room and the guy gets up and introduces me, by the way, it wasn't as good a introduction as what you gave today. That was fun. But he gets up and introduces me and here's what he says. He says, as is our custom, will you go ahead and do what you need to do? And I'm thinking, what is he? This was at the end of my introduction and there's a little basket in the middle of every table and all of a sudden in unison a hundred people take their phone and they put 'em in these baskets and he looks back at me and he says, you have our attention. And that's my introduction. And I'm like, this is unbelievable in today's world. But they made a decision to this is the way we're going to do what we do and we're not going to be screen free all the time, but we are going to have times that we're going to choose.

(25:13):

And again, it's a choice. I think choice is our superpower actually. We get to decide. And so you get to decide, are we going to have a dinner together as a family or are we going to all go and I mean, they may be texting each other across the table, but unless that's happening, they're really not together. And so why are we pretending that we are connected when we're really not connected and yet we're connect. We are connected to a world that's just trying to get our attention. And so this to me is a really big deal, but I love the idea of us deciding and leading. And we're going to put the phones down and I've got two questions here and let's throw one out and see what everybody says. And the next thing you know, you've got a family. I was just talking to a guy yesterday and he was about your age and he was telling me about his family growing up.

(26:03):

He had two brothers and he said that they would sit around the table every night and he said it was total chaos. But he said, when I look back on my life, that marked me more than anything else that we did as a family. It was that an hour that I had every night, 45 minutes he said was about all my mom and dad could take. But we would sit there at the table together and have a conversation and they would just check in on how was our day and what was good today and what challenged you today? And just some simple conversations. And he said, that tethered me to values and to the things that really mattered. And he said, I'm afraid now in the world we live in that that's not very much at all. And I think that's definitely true, but it's because we're not choosing for it to happen. We get to decide where we have dinner and who we have dinner with, all that stuff. And so I want the parent out there who's listening to know you get to decide what you're going to do, what kind of family you want, and if you make that decision, there's a good chance your kids down the road are going to look back and go. We weren't always on the screens. We actually worked together at times as well.

Joey Odom (27:12):

I love that

Aro Customer (27:15):

When we initially decided to do Aro and to take the plunge, I think I had just felt that I had truly been addicted to my phone forever. And I have slept with a phone by my bed every single night from when I was 13 years old because that's how old I was when I went to boarding school. So when we finally got our box, I got extremely nervous, but I told Brian that a goal that I had was to put our phones in the box every single night for Lent. I'll be honest, the first night I cried, it was really emotional and hard for me to rip that bandaid, but what we found in that 40 days was better quality sleep, better connection with one another. We had conversations before bed that we wouldn't previously have been having because we each would've been on our own singular devices. And for me, that actually was the impetus to realize the conversations I was missing with my kids during the day. If I'm having the ability to have these conversations at nighttime with my husband after bed, what could happen in my relationships with my kids now if I put it away during the day as well.

Joey Odom (28:25):

We love hearing stories from the Aro community. The one you just heard actually comes from our voices of Aro episodes where I sit down with Aro members and they share about their stories and their lives with ro. Make sure to check out the voices of Aro episodes and if you're a member who would like to share your own story with ro, please email us@storiesatgoro.com.

(28:48):

I want to go back to this idea we talked about earlier on the idea of work gives you something quantifiable and it gives you a path. You kind have a clear path towards your success and you have the affirmation along the way. So I want to maybe reframe, we'd love for you to reframe for us just the idea of success, and we've touched on it a little bit, but the idea of success. We kind of know what that looks like at work. How do we begin for somebody who says, okay, I love this idea, but how do I begin to know if I'm being successful at home? Can you frame up just that term success and maybe the lens that we can all look through as we're figuring out how to do this at home? Well,

Randy Gravitt (29:27):

Yeah, I'm not sure this will answer your question, but I'll say it this way. I think each person gets to decide what success is. But I would say to not decide is to decide. If you just leave it to chance, there's a good chance that you're not going to end up where you want to be. And I'll tell a quick little story here. I was actually having a conversation with an NFL assistant, NFL coach. I was doing a little coaching with a coach and we were having a conversation and we got through with what we were talking about with the work and our conversation bled over into his home life. And I was learning about his family and he's got a wife and two little girls and he asked me a question, he said, he said, do you think you can win a Super Bowl and not lose your family?

(30:18):

And I said, why do you ask this question? I said, I think you can, but tell me why you're asking the question. He said he had played on another team, another organization, and had won a Super Bowl. And he told me the story. He said when the game was over and the confetti's fallen and the stages set up and friends and family are around and we're hoisting the Lombardi trophy, he says, it's a great moment, it's pretty cool. But he said, I'm looking around. He said, I remember looking around at all of our coaches and a lot of 'em, their families were not speaking to each other. They weren't even there to enjoy the moment. He said, I got teammates and I knew that they were struggling outside of the game. I mean, they're doing great at the game, but it's just not so good outside of.

(31:00):

And he said, I'm looking at my own life now with these two little, he's got little girls under the age of four and a wife and he's trying to have a young family, and I'm asking myself, can we actually do this and not lose what matters most? And I told him, I said, I don't know if you can or not, I think you can. I really do think you can. I said, but if you can't, why would you want to win a Super Bowl? Looked at me like to start with, I had lost my mind going Well, but then he real quickly, he said, I don't want to win a Super Bowl if I'm going to lose these relationships that matter the most to me. And so just that moment of clarity for both of us really, that's to me, that's where my statement, if you win at work and you lose at home, I think you lose.

(31:51):

I do want you to win at work. I mean, again, we spend all our time trying to help organizations with profits and talent and all this. It's great. We love that, but I don't want to do that at the expense of this. And so I think having a cultural conversation with all your people, I mean, you've got people listening who are leading businesses, and if you're the leader of a business or a company or a team organization, I think you have an opportunity to say, let's have a conversation about this. And to me, that was another one of the reasons we thought the book was a good tool. I mean, it's a simple read. It won't be too much of a lift, but it'd be something that everybody could talk about together and say, what are we doing here to protect outside of work? Because here's what we do know.

(32:36):

If people get this right, it actually makes 'em better at work. I mean, if things are going well at home, they actually are going to be better employees. They're going to contribute better teammates, whatever, they're going to be better. But if we expect, I've heard people say this before, we expect our people to check their heart at the door. Well, I hope that works out for you. People are coming in and their mom just got a diagnosis or their kid struggling with homework and had a big fight on the way to school when they dropped 'em off and their husband or their wife, they're not speaking, and it's just you expect them to come in and not be affected by that. To me, that's delusional. And so I think anything we can do to help that. I'm not sure if that answers your question, but that to me, that's where my mind goes when I think about it. This is something that we have an opportunity to address. It's really not being talked about very

Joey Odom (33:26):

Much. Well, and again, you said it's a simple read. It is, which is why it's so effective. This is because you can internalize it very, very quickly. And then the fact that you have the application beyond, you can do that. So this maybe is just as a quick little moment to say this for somebody who's maybe managing people, particularly maybe in a workforce where maybe you do have a Bible study or you do have a prayer group or something like that where you already are focusing on the holistic person or anything else like that. This is a great read. This is where I would encourage you, especially if you're in a marketplace environment where you have a focus on the person. This is a book you really do need to read as a group and discuss because one of the problems in any small group is just getting people to talk sometimes, but this is one that you can enter into very quickly and relate to very, very easily.

(34:16):

That's a note for people listening who maybe are managing people who are focused on the holistic person. This I would encourage you to buy a bunch of them for a discussion. Randy, what would you, the person who I know what it's like, again, I'm 44 almost, and I know in my thirties just the demands, the things that are like the Torrance. I think a word I said the other day was just the torrential dynamism of your nineties. It's just everything's moving and it's moving so quickly. So I'd love some maybe advice from you, from someone who's maybe feeling overwhelmed with the career and is struggling here saying, okay, I like what you're saying, Randy, but I need to know. Give me a little bit of path. Give me a little bit of a path here because I'm struggling with keeping up with work and advancing my career, but also being fully present at home. What are a couple little tidbits? What are some starting points for that person?

Randy Gravitt (35:12):

I love that question. When I think about parenting and I roll back to parenting, and I'll even give you a little nod here to grandparenting. So we've got eight grandkids now that are three and under, and it's like a little preschool. It's crazy. So

(35:27):

We had seven of them over here a couple of days ago at the same time. And oh my goodness, it was like I looked at my wife when they left and I thought, how in the world did we do this with four? I mean for you young moms and dads out there, it's exhausting. And when they're small, it's so physical. Well, now Joey, as they get older, it shifts from physical. I mean, they can go to bed by themselves and they're potty trained when they're teenagers, but now it becomes more emotional. And so there's a shift and it becomes challenging. And now you've got a career going on as well. Whoever's listening, you're trying to keep a family together and here's some guy on the podcast saying, you can actually have a great family. And you're like, dude, your family's grown and gone, and that's easy for you to say now, but here we are still at a hard place.

(36:19):

What do we do? Here's what I would say. It's easy to lose perspective, and I think the more the busier we get, let's use, we're driving down a road and we're going really fast in a car, the faster we go, the harder it is to read the signs. There's a fuzziness to it. We can miss our exit, and it's kind of the way our lives are. We're just like, we feel like we're just going through it. It's so fast. What's going on? I would say this, I always say this to organizations when we're working with executives, if the vision is fuzzy to you, it's blurry to the people who are following you. And so I think one of the things I would remind anybody who's listening, you've got to have time that you pull up out of the grind and ask yourself, what am I doing to make sure I know what we're trying to do and why we're trying to do it and who needs to be connected with?

(37:10):

I've got to have some space. I can't just be in the at, how would I say this at sea level all the time. So I'm having a conversation. A couple of weeks ago I ran into Dan, Kathy, Dan, his dad, Truet started, and so Dan is a friend. I ran into him at church and I saw him and I think Dan's 70 now, and he's a little older even than I am. And Dan, I said, what are you thinking about these days? And here's what this is so good. He said, I'm asking myself these days, did my ears pop today? I'm like, okay, say more. And Dan says, meaning at sea level, my ears aren't going to pop, but if I get up, if I go into the mountains and we've done this or even get on a flight or something, you go up, there's an elevation where your ears begin to pop.

(37:59):

And he was talking about how I got to get to a place where I can see and have some vision and slow down, and yet I can't stay there. I mean, you can't just go. I mean, it'd be great if we could just go in our room, lock the door and tell our kids not to bother us. That's not going to happen either. You can't stay there forever. You got to come back into the grind. But I think a parent who's, or a husband or wife who's trying to just day after day, grind it out and never pulls up and takes care of themselves and ask themselves, what are we trying to do? And recalibrates on the vision, it's so easy to lose perspective and so listener to spend some time asking themselves, how's it going? I mentioned a minute ago, I mentioned a minute ago that I like to read the Bible.

(38:45):

There's a question in the Bible. I think it's the second question that was ever asked in the history of the world. This is a question that God asked to Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve have eaten the forbidden fruit. They've been kicked out of the garden. I mean, basically they're in trouble. And the Bible says that they decide we're going to try to hide, which is laughable. If there is a God, he hasn't lost his kids. I tell people sometimes Laura and I lost a couple of ours through the years. They're like, I thought you were picking her up, or I thought I was. That happened. And then we had a couple of our kids we tried to lose and they kept coming back, but God, if there's a God, he's not lost Adam and Eve. And yet he comes up, he comes with this question, and here's the question, where are you?

(39:33):

He knew where they were. He needed for them to admit where they are. And I think for anybody who's listening, start there, start with, you know what? We're on the beach. We're just grinding away. We never pull back and check in with each other and ask ourselves what we're trying to do. You have to start where you are, but you don't have to stay there. But if you don't ever ask yourself, where are we? It's the old go to the shopping mall or the airport and you find the kiosk and it's got the little star in the three little words. I think they borrowed 'em from God, actually you are here. It's so powerful. If you start there, all the terminals are available or all the stores are available. You just have to choose. And I think that person who's listening, who is struggling right now, there's a good chance you haven't pulled up and said, what's really going on with me? And frankly, we live in a world where what the latest statistics, a third of people are struggling with mental health, stress, anxiety, and I think sometimes it is clinical and I can't help somebody where it's clinical, but sometimes, Joey, it's just that we haven't slowed down long enough to say, what are we really doing? So again, tethered to the phones, we're just being led along like sheep. And I think we get to choose to do something different. We can turn and go in a different direction, I guess is the way I would say it.

Joey Odom (40:53):

Well, what a question that none of us probably ask is that question, where am I? And then maybe a follow-up question is, do I want to be here? Is this where I intend to be? And so to your point, it's available to you that really is available to you. And something you put in the book, you had an opportunity kind of midway through the parable to put a bow on it where John comes home and Willie gives, Willie gives this great sage advice, and then John goes home and with this opportunity to, then he tries something and his wife shuts it down. It didn't work at all, and I love it. Yeah. Again, that was the chance for you to have this beautiful movie scene moment where all Kristen was waiting for John to do that, and then everything's fine, but it didn't. It wasn't because this kind of stuff takes practice. And so I'd like that you put that in there because this is something that, and again, if you focus on this as if it's a playbook in the NFL or if it's something at work or the path you follow is this is something, it's a strategy. You have to have. You say that in the book and you have to implement it over time and you'd be steady in your consistent, but it begins with what you just said. Where am I, right?

Randy Gravitt (42:05):

Yeah, that's so true. And it's just the reason I put it in there is because how many times have we tried something and it's like, that didn't work, and then we just like, well, that doesn't mean it's not ever going to work. It just means we have to keep practicing. I believe with all my heart, whether you're an organization or a family, I think you practice your way to high performance. My buddy Mark Miller who Mark is my partner in our company, and one guy, mark, yeah, he's great. And Mark always says, hope is not a strategy. And I think that's so true. This idea of maybe somebody will change, that's not the way a servant leader thinks. If I show up and I'm going to do the right thing and I'm going to practice, typically I'm my biggest problem. I mean, if I can work on me and keep working on me, hopefully that will be a model for my kids or my husband or wife, whatever.

(42:58):

But whether it's or not, I can lie down at night knowing I'm doing what I can to help people win. That usually is the start of something really good. I was talking to a leader just a couple of weeks ago and we were having a conversation about some of this, and he was talking about dads, and I thought this was so good. He said, I've never met a bad dad who was trying to be a great dad. And I'm like, that's just so good. He is like, I'm not a lot of bad dads, but he said, none of them were trying to be great dads. But this idea of having intention and really what are you showing up to do over and over and over again? And by the way, if you get married, I said it earlier, but if you get married or you have a kid, it is a classroom for sacrifice.

(43:45):

You're going to get an opportunity. It's kind of what you signed up for, but if you get it right, but if you do live that way and you get that right, man, there's nothing better than a family that's working. And I think there's nothing harder than a family that's not working. And we live in a world where the family's been diminished and nobody's really talking about this. And I think we actually have a chance to reclaim some of this. If you're listening, whether you can affect all the people that work for you or with you or whatever, you can affect the people that you live with, if you will do what we're talking about.

Joey Odom (44:21):

That's so good. It's so true. Randy, I'm going to reemphasize for everybody listening here. This is great for you individually. This is great. If you're part of an organization, again, if you have an organization you're part of that focuses on the holistic person on you being great at work and home, that's a big topic for people right now. So I would encourage you to get a bundle of these, and Randy, how can people, obviously you can go out to Amazon and get it, but I want you to talk briefly also on Lead Every Day and your organization with Mark, which I'm an email subscriber. I love the daily emails you get. So for people who want to get a copy of the book, where can they go and then tell us a little bit more about the work you're doing that we can plug in with.

Randy Gravitt (45:03):

Yeah, that's great. So if they want just to get a copy, they can go to Lead every Day, which lead everyday.com is where we live, but you can go to Barnes and Noble or Amazon anywhere you get your books. I think there's Kendall version and an Audible version, and all that's out there if you are looking for Bundle, if you go to winning begins@home.com. Just the name of the book.com. I just had somebody yesterday ordered 50 copies for their leadership team at their organization, which is great, and they're priced better if you get 'em there, the bundle pricing. So yeah, that'll help some people out, but we'd love for people to give those to their organization. That'd be great. As far as the work we do, I mentioned it earlier, but we just spend time with organizations that are chasing high performance. They're trying to get better.

(45:55):

They're struggling with talent. A lot of times they're trying to build a leadership culture so many times they're really good at what they do. They're technical skill of what they do. Insurance or plumbers or sports teams, all these, they're like, we're really good at all that, but nobody ever taught us how to lead meetings and build teams and solve problems and some of the things that leaders end up doing vision stuff. And so we've developed a lot of our content over the last, I guess 11 years now, almost 11 years, over 10 years for Chick-fil-A, a lot of people know about Chick-fil-A and I've done a lot of training and development for their owner operators and their teams through the years, and our team has done that. And so with a lot of other companies started here and we're like, Hey, we need help as well. And so we get to work with appreciate just

Joey Odom (46:40):

Some of the best You go get a copy of Winning Begins at Home by Randy

Randy Gravitt (46:43):

Grab, and we're trying to help them reach their potential, not just from a profit standpoint, but from an impact standpoint. And it's so much fun to get to work with great leaders everywhere. I said it earlier, if people, I have a good leader, it makes it really good for 'em. If they don't, it's not so good. And so we're trying to, we dream of a world well led. I'm pretty convinced the government, no matter which way you vote, is not about to fix all the problems. I know a bunch of educators who, and I love education. I used to be a teacher. I can tell you education is not going to solve all that's going on. I think doing good is good business, and I do think when families get it right, we have a chance to improve our homes, our neighborhoods, our communities, and I think together, all of us can do our part. So that's what Mark and I every day, we're just waking up. We've got a team of about 20 people that are helping us and trainers and coaches, and it's a lot of fun. So we're trying to do our part to make it better.

Joey Odom (47:47):

I love that. Randy, I didn't prep you for this question, but I am curious, will Josh Allen win a Super Bowl? As a Buffalo bill? My beloved Buffalo Bills, I got to ask you, and you've spent a lot of time with those guys, spent some time with Sean McDermott and coaching those guys and don't know, you can't dodge this one. This

Randy Gravitt (48:08):

Is, I'm going to say yes, man, let's go. Come on now. Let's go, bill. Let's go. I'm going to say yes, there's a lot of challenge in the way, but yeah, the climb is worth it, I believe, and that's, that's my belief for sure. That's good. I'm with you. It's easy for me to cheer for Buffalo as well, connected to 'em. It's been great. But I'm an Atlanta guy, and so that Patriot Super Bowl, I'm still hungover from that from about a decade. Probably not been a decade, but I think that the Falcons are still broke. So the Bills being in the Patriots division and beating them every year, the last few years has been so fun to watch. And so, yeah, I'm believing Let's go Bills. I like it,

Joey Odom (48:56):

Brother. I'm with you. I'm with you, Randy. I'll close with this. Just as an affirmation for you, my brother Jacob told me a line from a book that I loved, and the line is that the greatest gift that a generation can give is a sense of hope and optimism for the next generation. And it's way too easy to watch the cable news and get pessimistic, and I just want to thank you and I want to affirm what you're doing and giving hope and optimism to the next generation. That's the greatest gift. You are giving a gift through your work, so thank you for that. Thank you for this book, and I hope everybody go gets a single copy and bolt copy of winning the Kids at Home. I dunno about you, but I just feel encouraged by that. And I said it at the end with Randy is what a gift someone can give by giving optimism to the next generation.

(49:44):

And that's what he's doing. Randy's a grandfather, a young grandfather, handsome grandfather, but he's a grandfather and he is encouraging this next generation in your thirties, in your forties, in your twenties, in the workforce of just saying, Hey, there's hope here. There's hope for you to have a strategy and to really win at home. Winning begins at home. Very grateful for Randy, for his wisdom. Please go get a copy of the book. Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode of the Aro podcast. We can't wait to see you again next week. The Aro podcast is produced and edited by the team at Palm Tree Poco. Special thanks to Emily Miles and Kaitlyn Kring for media and digital support and to executive producers, Anthony Palmer of Palm Tree Poco, and the Prince of the Low Country Tides himself. Rich Donnellan.

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